Phew! I’m back. It’s been a busy couple of weeks with some exciting life changing developments for my family. I am just beginning to process it all. Wanna listen in? Of course you do. 

During some of the roughest days of the last few months with Kyle, Kathy, my friend and coauthor, asked me to think of five reasons why the current situation was good. Yup, she threw the old “look for the good” right at me. It’s hard to watch your child suffer (and suffer alongside him) and find the good. Needless to say, I had great resistance to this challenge and I don’t think I ever got back to her with an answer.

Look for the good, look for the good. It can help to come back to basics. The good was that I could be there for my son in our comfortable home. I had the physical and emotional strength to do what I had to do, although some days, I wasn’t quite sure about that part. He was reaching out for reassurance in an appropriate way for someone feeling so scared and uncertain. And, we were trying to find a medical solution to his issue.  Have I gotten to 5 yet?

Sometimes the good occurs in the future and you have to have faith and trust. Faith. Trust. Not so easy.  In my case, an outcome which had yet to come into my awareness, was going to happen. I just didn’t know about it yet. 

A few weeks ago I was sitting with Kyle during one of his rough cycles and it became very clear to me that something needed to change. Unfortunately, a big part of this situation was not in my direct control.  But was the entire situation out of my control? I realized  I really needed more support. I wanted more help on the front lines of taking care of and working with Kyle during both the healthy times and the rough times. Itching for more freedom and just plain exhausted, I knew that this was  where I could make a change. I could actually have some control of the uncontrollable.  

This marathon is long and there are no prizes given at the end for walking the road on your own. The idea for my “thannie” (therapist/nanny) was born. How were we going to keep Kyle home with us and also have more of a life? How were we going to see our daughters, both living out of state now, on a more regular basis? A thannie was the answer. It became crystal clear and I wondered why I had not thought of this sooner. 

It’s one thing to have the idea and it’s another to take action. I percolated for a few days and painted myself a picture of exactly what I was looking for. I realized it could take a long time to find just the right person but I was going to keep trying until I found her. 

I began to put my feelers/flyers out. Within a couple of days my call was answered loud and clear during a phone conversation with my daughter Leah. She told me about care.com. For some reason, it had not occurred to me to look online. 

After a deliberate search and many interviews, I was contacted by the perfect fit for Kyle. I almost told her I was looking for someone who lived closer but I was so drawn to her during the phone interview, I knew we had to meet. It seemed like divine intervention that we found each other. She came for the first interview on one of Kyle’s roughest days. Nothing seemed to phase her. Her passion and enthusiasm for people with special needs bubbled forth. As a bonus, she had extensive experience as a special education teacher. I knew during our first meeting that Tammy was just the person I was looking for. 

It feels as though my life is about to change in a big way. In fact, it has already changed significantly in the short week she has been working for me. Her special connection with Kyle is blooming quickly.  Breathing just a little bit deeper, my heart feels good.

P.S. Tammy works with Kyle part time. The other part of the time, I am able to be a much better mom and guide for Kyle. There's good all over the place here.