What Matters

This poem, author unknown, was read by one of my yoga instructors in class recently.  It's so easy to get caught up in "stuff" and get side-tracked from what really matters.

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.

So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won’t matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end. It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave. What will matter is not your success, but your significance. What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
 What will matter is not your competence, but your character. What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone. What will matter are not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

 Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident. It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

“We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give”

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Speaking of living a life that matters, I would like to pay tribute to a friend, Harvey, who passed away last week. Harvey was there for us when our family was not so much. I didn’t get to speak to him before he passed away, but I have fond memories of our times together.

Harvey always seemed comfortable around Kyle. To me, that says it all. He even agreed to watch all three of our children when they were small, including Kyle, one evening when we were in a bind. He was an amazing Navajo jeweler but also not too proud to let our two little girls polish his fingernails one Saturday afternoon. When we experimented with patterning (an old school therapy) with Kyle, he signed up as volunteer and came to help us move his arms and legs on a regular basis until none of us could stand it any longer. We have great memories of Thanksgiving, backpacking, and hiking. Harvey was always a jokester when he called on the phone and there were definitely many laughs had together over the years.

He passed away sandwiched between his wife and daughter. I’d say Harvey lived a life that matters. We will miss you Harvey Begay.

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 This is an inspiring story about Lindsey Nebeker and Dave Hamrick who are both autistic.... and in love. Here's how they came together, and how, side by side, they face the world. Another reminder about how expanding the walls of society's box can work, be meaningful, fulfilling, and beautiful. This story is very much worth reading from beginning to end.

They're Autistic-- and They're in Love 

Written by Lynn Harris

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AAAAttitude is everything… la la la. The lyrics bounce around in my head- one of those songs that gets stuck and can’t seem to escape from the mental chatter of my mind. I guess this is a good sign. And, probably a healthy mantra to get trapped within my neural synapses for awhile. I can always benefit from the reminder.

I was watching the video of my daughter Leah singing and playing at a local club. Much to my surprise, she had written an “attitude” song for performance with her newly acquired ukulele. As usual, I was dazzled by her stage presence and talent as I watched and listened.  It doesn’t seem that long ago she was draped in layered costumes and beads singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow on our brick fireplace.   I was  definitely feeling a bit nostalgic.

February is almost over and has been a month of milestone birthdays in our house. Time is flying by faster than ever. Leah just turned twenty and her costume and beads have been replaced by a classy hat and guitar. When Leah was born, my plate was already full and overflowing. I was caring for Kyle, who at that time, was besieged by seizures. I was trying to figure out the autism thing and had just begun an intense home program for him which required ongoing recruiting and training of a support team. I was also mom to my daughter Rachel who was a typical, active two year old. So maybe from a practical sense, it wasn’t the optimal time to add another child to our family.

Thank goodness we decided not to be practical. As it turned out, this was absolutely the best time for Leah, our precious blonde bundle, to come into our lives.    Leah added that extra dose of healthy balance on the other side of living with autism. I’m reminded once again; siblings are such a gift, offering a different experience of mother hood. Like her sister, Leah was a flower who with care and nurturing, bloomed on her own. There was no way autism was going to swallow me up now that there were two amazing little girls to love and care for. Somehow it always comes back to balance. Isn't this something we are all striving for in one form or another?

I don’t know if I ever got the balance thing just right. I’m still working on it. But what a joy it has been to be mom to Leah. She amazes me with her depth and creativity.  I admire her confidence and have goose bumps as I watch her bloom into a wonderful young woman. Her talents are many but more importantly, she is extremely thoughtful, kind, and very wise for her age.

Another kid to gush about? You bet.

Gayle

PS. Sometime very soon, you will be able to click here to listen to Leah's song “Attitude is Everything”. Stay tuned.

Leah

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